missing

i went through an emotional roller coaster tonight. someone confronted me with something i wish they hadn't told me about myself. and i cried. i'm not ready to move on.

i wanna go back to how it was...

i want to have fun and play soccer in your front yard. i want to watch you make your nasty milk ice cream. i want to smell your dogs farts and freak out so you laugh at me. i want to have dinner with you and half your family. i want to make you laugh and bond with you over random stuff. i want to play basketball with your brother and your friends. i want to go to the park and just walk with you. i want to buy a sweat band and wear it. i want to wear your clothes to bed. i want to play your instruments with your band. i want you to get mad at me for talking to you too much. i want to hug you and smell your amazing man cologne and tell you, "i love it!" i want to "stro strongly" watch that video and laugh my head of with you. i want to watch movies with "you" and your mom or dad totally join in:) i want to not be able to eat with you every Sunday. i want to see that dance you said you would show me. and i want you to want all this too!

but you don't have a blog and you will never see this.

i still think about you everyday...like you told me you would.

we were best friends...